You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
