now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
