swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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