just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
