Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
