my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
