I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
