I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
