I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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