me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
