Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
