Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
