when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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