I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
