I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
