i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
