I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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