I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Never underestimate the power of titties
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
