My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
