You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
