Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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