Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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