Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
