he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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