i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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