dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
