youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
