I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
