Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
