What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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