remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
pray to the hookup gods
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
