My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
