Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
