Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
