After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
