I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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