I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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