What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I could fuck to npr.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
