Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
