its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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