Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
