Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
do nipples grow back?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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