a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
