I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
