i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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