I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
