If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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