Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
