I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
