I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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