it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
no you cant smoke seaweed
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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