I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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