i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
