So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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